Saturday, February 27, 2010

School is getting better, I think. As I said in my last post, people are opening up. But maybe a bit too much. Especially this guy in my math class. He started off across the room saying nothing and has now gravitated to the desk next to me. He talks. He walks with me after class. He walks with me to the testing center. He stares. He smiles. We're both the oldest in our class 22-23 and both married. I can't figure out his angle- is he interested in friendship or looking for ass? But it's nice to have someone to talk to so I keep putting off the one conversation we probably need to have.

I got a job. It's not exactly the one I wanted but it's extra cash, close to home, easy and decent hours. I start next week.

The depression seems to be lessening. I'm sure it's a combination of school, getting a job, working out and the vitiman B complex pills.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010


I started yet another new school about a week and a half ago. I've been putting off writing about it because I figured I'd give it a chance. I can tell you that my first opinion of my newest community college is that's it's filled with fist bumping teenagers pretending to get an education while mentally categorizing who he/she will fuck first. I've been to three other colleges and yes... I know that most colleges are filled with brand new freshmen looking to party while occasionally showing up to class and sleeping at a desk but every college I've been to has had a pretty decent adult population. Not this one. Not anyone over the age of 21 in sight. I'm only 22 myself but I feel so much more mature. Just seems like they're all showing up because that's what mommy and daddy had planned for them and you know.. they're the ones shelling out the cash for it. While I *NEED* this to create the life I see for my family. I will tell you I came home the first day almost in tears. I was hoping to make friends but as far as first impressions go... I couldn't see myself relating to any of these people. Slowly people are starting to open up. I dunno. It's still iffy but I'm trying to keep my hopes high.

Completely unrelated... I'm either finding closure in something or clinging to it again for dear life. But little by little the anger is disappearing. Finally. After almost 4 years. I can feel the weight lifting off my shoulders. It's so nice. I've set my boundaries and I'm trying not to get myself all worked over something I know I can never let happen again or put too much stock into it just in case it slips away again.